Why do I feel so lonely? Understanding and coping with loneliness

If you’ve been feeling lonely, you’re not alone. One in three U.S. adults report feeling lonely, and one in four feel like they lack social and emotional support. Furthermore, one in 10 people feel lonely every day.

The CDC defines loneliness as the “feeling of being alone, disconnected, or not close to others.” A sense of loneliness is more than just an uncomfortable feeling. Social isolation and loneliness can have a major impact on your overall well-being.  

Everyone gets lonely from time to time––but if you’re feeling lonely more often than not, or if your loneliness is negatively affecting your overall mental health, it’s important to take steps to combat this.  

Here’s what you need to know about the causes of loneliness, how loneliness affects your mental health,and when you should seek professional help.  

What are the causes of loneliness?  

Many factors play into loneliness. It’s important to understand the root cause of why you’re feeling this way so you can take steps towards feeling connected again. Here are some common causes of loneliness:  

Social isolation

Social isolation can occur for many reasons– such as living far away from family and friends, a super demanding job that leaves you with little free time, or health struggles that make it hard to socialize. Remote work can also lead to social isolation if you don’t make an active effort to socialize outside of work. Additionally, living somewhere with limited transportation options can make it harder to get out there and socialize. When you’re isolated for whatever reason, you lack in-person meaningful connections.

Life transitions

Life changes are challenging, whether moving to a new city, graduating from high school or college, going through a divorce, or retiring. Big transitions come with big changes, often resulting in loneliness while you adjust to your new life circumstances. Even if you have people around you, it isn’t the same as the close relationships you’re used to.  

Loss of loved ones

Losing a family member, friend, romantic partner, or a beloved pet can lead to feelings of emptiness and loneliness throughout the grieving process. Navigating the new normal without your loved one around can leave you feeling alone, even if you still have other loved ones in your life.  

Relationship difficulties

Struggles within a romantic relationship can make you feel isolated. When you're experiencing conflict or emotional disconnection with your partner, it can create feelings of loneliness, even if you're physically together. If you’re in a relationship where you’re a victim of violence or abuse, this further fuels these feelings.  

Social anxiety

People with social anxiety disorder tend to avoid social situations due to the intense anxiety they cause. If you have social anxiety, even the simplest of social interactions can feel paralyzing, which can make you want to stay home by yourself rather than face crippling anxiety when you head out of your comfort zone into social settings. This isolation due to anxiety can lead to loneliness.

Surface level relationships  

If most of your relationships are surface-level, you might lack the emotional intimacy you need to feel fulfilled. Even if you have many acquaintances or people you can hang out with from time to time, if they aren’t truly meaningful relationships, you might still find yourself lonely and longing for more.  

Aging

There are higher rates of loneliness among senior citizens. Various factors that come along with aging, like living alone, decreased mobility, sensory impairments, and health conditions, and the loss of more and more loved ones as we get older can cause difficulties with socializing and contribute to loneliness.  

How does loneliness affect your mental health?

Loneliness has a significant impact on emotional well-being. Social connection is a crucial part of the human experience. Human beings are social creatures, and when you lack meaningful connections or regular social interactions, it can make you feel disconnected from others, triggering negative emotions. Ongoing feelings of loneliness often lead to sadness and a sense of emptiness that can worsen if you don’t address it.  

Without enough human connection, emotional and mental health can take a hit. Research has found links between loneliness and mental health struggles, such as:

• Depression

• Anxiety disorders  

• Substance use disorder

• Personality disorders

• Sleep problems

• Low self-esteem/self-worth

• Self-harming behaviors

• Suicidal ideation

Not to mention, there are long-term physical consequences of chronic loneliness, too. In older adults especially, loneliness causes an increased risk of the following physical health concerns:  

• Chronic inflammation

• Lowered immune system function

• High blood pressure

• Heart disease

• Dementia

• Alzheimer’s disease

• General cognitive decline

• Obesity

This isn’t to say that loneliness will definitely lead to these mental health or physical health concerns, but researchers have found evidence-backed links between chronic loneliness and these concerns. By taking proactive steps to reduce your loneliness, engage in social gatherings, and form meaningful relationships, you can reduce your risk for these negative outcomes.

7 coping strategies for loneliness

Feeling lonely is no fun. Here are seven ideas for coping with loneliness.  

Limit social media use

Although you might think social media would be beneficial to people who are feeling lonely, research shows this often isn’t the case, linking more time spent on social media to higher rates of loneliness. Social media often leads to constant comparison, which can make you feel self-conscious or “less than.” Plus, it can give you feelings of FOMO (fear of missing out) when you see other people engaging in fun activities that you aren’t a part of.  

Instead of using social media to distract yourself emotionally or trying to make online friends, focus on making meaningful connections or having fun in real life.

Engage in hobbies and activities

Explore hobbies and activities old and new that bring you joy. Whether it’s crafting, learning a new instrument, or playing a sport, this can bring novelty and enjoyment into your life. Plus, engaging in hobbies is a great way to meet new people with the same interests. When you meet others with similar passions, you can more easily plan future meetups.  

Join a club or team

Clubs, teams, and leagues aren’t just for school-aged people. Many cities have organizations for adults to join so you can do something you love while meeting others. As a bonus, regular meetups or practices give you set times to socialize in the future with your new connections.

Volunteer

Giving back to your community or causes you care about can improve your mental well-being as a whole. Volunteering has been shown to boost dopamine, a feel-good chemical that your brain releases. Plus, you’ll have the opportunity to make new connections with other volunteers who are passionate about the same causes that you are.

Reach out to friends and family

Make an active effort to stay in touch with your loved ones. Call up your friends and family members regularly to remain connected, and more importantly, make plans to spend time together in person.

Additionally, if you’re struggling emotionally, it’s important to let them know. Although you may be nervous about being vulnerable, your loved ones are here to help you. They can provide you with the support you need.  

Don’t be afraid to make new friends

Making friends as an adult isn’t always as easy as it was back in school days. Oftentimes making new friends later in life takes active effort, and someone has to take initiative. Many people are in the same boat, lonely and looking for new friends, but are nervous to make the first move. You can ask someone from one of your clubs if they want to get coffee afterward, see if a neighbor wants to go for a walk, or check out posts on local Facebook groups. Many big cities in particular may have groups or meet-ups geared toward  people looking to make new friends.  

Engage in self-care

Since a sense of loneliness can cause your mental health to take a hit, it’s important to take care of your well-being in other ways.  

Self-care can help you cope with the mental health effects of loneliness. Here are some ideas:

• Practicing mindfulness or meditation

• Journaling

• Finding a creative outlet for emotions

• Exercising regularly

• Getting enough good-quality sleep

• Eating a healthy, balanced diet

• Pampering yourself

• Practicing gratitude

Do I need to get help for my loneliness?

Being lonely in and of itself isn’t a cause to seek help from a therapist or psychiatrist. However, if your loneliness is impacting your mental health in a way that’s making it hard to function or reducing your quality of life, this is a cause for concern. Additionally, if you are exhibiting signs of any mental health conditions that are linked to loneliness, you should seek help.

A mental health professional can help you make sense of your symptoms by completing a comprehensive mental health evaluation. From there, they can diagnose you and come up with a treatment plan which may involve medications, in-person or online therapy, lifestyle changes, or a combination. They may also recommend support groups that can help you feel less alone in your struggles.

If you’re looking for a psychiatrist, consider Talkiatry. Talkiatry is a national virtual psychiatry practice that treats various mental health conditions. We’re in-network with over 60 major insurance carriers. Complete a quick, free online assessment to get matched with a qualified psychiatrist and get treatment from the comfort of your own home.  

FAQs

Here are more details about understanding loneliness.

How do I stop being so lonely?

You can stop feeling so lonely by making an active effort to foster meaningful relationships and socialize regularly. Here are some steps you can take to reduce loneliness:

• Limit social media use

• Engage in hobbies and activities

• Join a club or team

• Reach out to friends and family

• Don’t be afraid to make new friends

• Engage in self-care  

How can a psychiatrist help?

If your loneliness has contributed to a new or worsening mental health condition, they can help you manage your symptoms. A psychiatrist can complete a comprehensive mental health evaluation to diagnose you and come up with the best treatment plan for you. With medication, therapy, or both, you’ll get on track to feeling better. Learn more about how to find a psychiatrist.